well schools like the only thing going for me and it isnt going so great. of course its worse for certain people. so i shldnt whine. but BLEAH

its just i think i am not clicking with the class like everyone else seems to be you know? which is highly disheartening, cause i dont wanna be like the weird one who doesnt laugh at things and who doesnt know what the heck is going on. i dont!

and i am sure i like my class somewhere deep down, but sometimes i am not so sure.

it just annoys me. i mean everyone who knows anything at all about me knows that i love to sing. and my class seems to have a problem with the fact that i can stay in tune. its so frustrating. i dont sing to impress, i sing for myself. its fun for me. and i hate having to respond when people are like "cant you tell you are going out of tune". and it sucks even more when my good friends do the same. i mean come on you guys. know what what singing means to me. and it buggs me that you wont let me do what i love whichever way i wanna have it done. ITS JUST FREAKING SINGING LET ME DO IT.

i know it seems like i am buzzing over trivialities. but i dont sing half as much as i used to anymore. because of these singing pros in my class who cant handle my lousy voice. bahh. and thats not good for me. i know it.

with that follows this obession with perfection and competition. and for me its all about having fun, cause i of all people am sure that i am not everning approaching perfection. "eh sangee you signed up for a soccer ah? can you even play soccer?" and i am like of course not, i suck at it. but its AC games its supposed to be fun right? does it really matter that much if we win? cant we just have FUN? why does everything have to planned and perfect. why do we have to be the best? and there are these guys who didnt wanna sign up for soccers, because they were sure we were gonna lose so they didnt want to be part of the losing team

this is like the main reason why i miss B4. i mean we wanted to win, but we were more concerned about the fun. and thats why we took part in everything, cause we knew we'd have fun along the way.

ARGH

frustrating shiz man.

and sometimes i feel like its me against the world. and thats the part that sucks the most. cause everyone seems to be together, with me standing on the outside babblign bout fun and what not. like nobodys listening

i need hairspray i do.

it sucks being an introvert. i wanna blab it all out, but i cant. i dont know how people would react to it, or if people wld listen. and that sucks. to feel like nobodys listening.

i'll get over it, eventually.

please lord, let me get over it.